Gaming in Love.....(Story)

‘Do u think u will be happy with him?’, he asked, as if to be sure, for the last time.

‘I don’t know about that, but are you going to do something this time or just let me go? What are you scared of? Come on, be a man.’ She tried hard, hard to make him understand the gravity of the situation she was in; more aptly, situation that she had created; unknowingly, unrightfully.

‘But we cant…how…I mean how are we going to live….there..i…you…’,he stammered.

‘Fine then, I am going to marry him. Marry him, and you sulk sitting there for the rest of your life. I have decided.’

He knew this tone. Knew it very well. He knew once she dismissed all arguments, she wouldn’t let anyone speak. He knew this was the end.

She waited for him to say something. ‘I know you love me, say it, say that you are not going to let this happen’, she said to herself, pleading Gods that he repeats her, word by word.

He didn’t say anything. She slammed the phone down harshly. He held it till tears flowed down his eyes. She stood firm for a second. Then collapsed on the couch just inches away from her.

It all started with a little game that she often liked to play whenever she wanted to test him. Test. Perhaps because it had been six long years that they had been away from each other in the physical sense; though they registered their presence in each others heart. He used to fly down to India, once a year; just to see her, to have a glimpse of the woman in life he so loved; to touch her being with his eyes; to feel her warmth with his lips. She knew it. And she loved the way he would plant a kiss here, touch her there; she missed his fingers in her hair, the passion in his eyes. She loved being in love with her boyfriend of eight years. They had traveled long- from being school mates, to friends, from friends to lovers, lovers to soulmates…but the last stretch of journey seemed to be missing. No, it wasn’t fate that had them apart, it was her. And - she knew it.

She would play these little games with him once he opted for a PG course in engineering in the US.’ Don’t go’, she’d say. ‘Its already been long since we had good times. Its been 4 long years without getting to see you often. Maybe you can try for it in a year or two?’

‘But, love, think of all the good things that I shall be able to provide for you if I become a specialist? You have always wanted that big diamond ring , I want to be able to buy it for you with my own money. And, trust me, another two years, and I would come back, talk to your mom, and…….’

Sometimes, words aren’t required.

Sure, he went. Sure, he will come back, she thought to herself many times. And then, this is the age of computers. They were in touch. They still talked for hours. She took to work after college, life got boring, people came up with new proposals for marrying her, and then, the idea struck.

She told him that a smart, handsome doctor had approached her with a proposal. He knew she was beautiful beyond words, and he knew she belonged to him. He didn’t react much. He knew she could handle this. She sent him pictures, he commented ‘Good’. She wanted him to say something, beg her to stay. He trusted nothing was in their way.

Her mother was happy. Very happy that her eldest daughter had been approached by the most eligible bachelor in the small town. How come she wasn’t aware that she’d been seeing somebody? She never hid. Probably, her mother never asked.

She decided to wait. Deep somewhere, she assured herself that he would be back and then she would disclose her desire to marry the only man she’d ever loved in her life.

The doctor, however, genuinely liked her.He was good looking, intelligent, from a good, decent family, and he earned well. Didn’t smoke or drink. Perfect marriage material, it seemed. She played with him. He fell in love.

Her mother finally announced that they would be engaged. At her surprise birthday party. The party had definitely taken her by surprise.

And he had surprised her by not coming this time.

Now that she lay on the couch, she couldn’t believe what a mess she’d made. Thoughts failed her, and the ever-ready-idea-strucker voice in her brain betrayed her.

He didn’t call back. She concluded he never loved her. The dates were announced, and shopping sprees were in full swing. She’d not seen her mother happier since her father died 15 years ago. This made her smile. Atleast someone is happy about all this. She loved her mother dearly, and so couldn’t muster up enough courage to tell her the truth that what started as a game, is making her loose herself. She couldn’t embarrass her, in front of all the in-good-times-we-show-up, in-bad-times-we-disappear relatives. For, it is entirely true, marriages in India don’t happen between individuals, but between families. And when it came to her family, it meant the world for her. She stood in front of her father’s garlanded picture, and she knew she couldn’t.

She’d not seen herself so lost in the last 25 years.

She was surprised to note that none of her friends, friends who knew of her being involved, questioned her decision. Decision to get married to a man she barely knew two months ago. ‘Maybe, Gods have willed this’, she comforted herself.

And, tied the knot. ‘Move on’, she said to herself.
He took to drinking. He took drugs. He wandered. He lost himself. And he wanted to remain lost. He refused to move on.

They relocated to another location owing to good career opportunities the big cities provided. Sure enough, both of them got to good jobs. And got busy.

Soon, she adapted to all the innate qualities that good wives must possess. She wasn’t a virgin anymore, but she hadn’t made love. She was working at middle level management at a MNC, a good amount got credited to her account each month, and she fascinated all around her with her charisma and jolly nature. She was appreciated for her work, and soon gained the respect of her colleagues. She was straight forward in her approach, and people knew when she meant business. She still wore the same ‘Attitude’ she so dearly loved. She was her natural self when her husband was not around. And she loved it.

Being at home, it was a different story. She acted like a timid, stupid, foolish woman who could do no more than cook, wash and clean. How she survives in office, her husband often thought. They barely talked of things other than work and home. She was interrupted everytime she opened her mouth, he was never open to suggestions. Her initial attempts to win his heart failed miserably, his arrogant nature never let her be herself, and this further perturbed her. He was frustrated with the marriage and chose to ignore her; she never complained. Her life changed, and days passed…

Only one thing didn’t change. Her love for him. The feeling that she had betrayed him. Many times, she thought of running away from her failing marriage. However, she stuck on. Family sakes!! She knew she wasn’t happy. Soon enough, others also began acknowledging the missing factor. Questions were raised, to which she had no answers. Deep in her heart, she constantly prayed for the times to rewind her life. She prayed to be with the man she’d only loved all her life. She couldn’t congregate enough courage to contact him. She kept a track as to where he was, through a few common friends, but strictly told them not to disclose him her whereabouts. Games!

Little did she know that fate had already planned that one fine day, they will cross ways. One fine day, she will get to see him again. Much against her wishes. Much in line with her desires.
To be continued….