The Sick Indian Man: Is this title FORCED OR INVITED??

Well, this is a funny incident. Just a few days ago, I had posted an update on my facebook wall regarding dowry. It just cropped up from the frustration that a female friend is currently experiencing. While her parents are on a hunt for a groom, she gets disheartened by the fact that so many educated men just keep a "mum face" when their parents dictate the lists of "required gifts" to her family. It ranges from electronics like TV, Home Theatre, Microwave, Washing Machine to expensive cars and hard cash. Some even go upto the extent of asking a flat. Yes, she herself is earning a good salary, and surviving on her own in a big city. She is pretty, and if you really ask me, humble. So every time she meets someone and she tends to like him, all this simply crashes her heart with a tremendous blow.

So, the other day, one of my male friends reacted to the update quite fiercely. He said that girls look for well settled, 5-figure earning boys from respectable family. So what’s the harm? He also said that desire for a comfortable life is not gender specific. So if the girl desires a comfortable life, the boy does too. This dowry , or gifts by girls family help the couple to establish themselves. Later on he told me that since I have all the bad people in my life, hence I view everyone like that. And yes, my choice of friends is pathetic, and I am responsible for it. Come to think of it, he just got arrange-married a few months ago. It looked like it hit him really hard, and I happened to instigate a sore wound.

I do not say every man is a dowry seeker, rapist, molester or abusive. Yes, there are many many of them who refuse dowry, struggle for a base, and yet give a comfortable life to the family. They beam in the pride of self made men, and we all appreciate that. But what about others? Isn’t the Indian man himself ashamed because of the recent events? I remember reading somewhere an article by a man about his soreness on being with females around. Deep within every man knows that no friend, no sister, no wife is safe, and they are being eyed suspiciously. Is it because of the women? No.

It is because of the men themselves. How many of us are not intimidated when we see we have to share a seat with a man for a long night journey. How many of us do not feel scared to be alone with male colleagues? Does the thought of brushing with a men in a jampacked bus not make us drop it and take another one? Do we not fear the demands when we go to our inlaws houses? Are we not worried about the family’s incessant taunts? Ofcourse we women laugh when we see punches on us as being shopaholics, bad drivers, and we all love all those wife/sister/girlfriend jokes everyone shares. Now does that mean every woman goes weak in the knees when she sees “SALE”? Or every sister is stupid? Or every girl friend is bitchy?
Look around, I am sure you will have many, many exceptions.

All in all, I just want to say that we all know all men are not alike, but come to think of it, the “good men” do not carry a special mark or a tag. If this SICK INDIAN MAN title pinches the men, they ought to do something about it themselves. They cannot keep on arguing with hundreds and thousands of women who believe men, known or unknown are a danger. Men need to understand if shopaholic describes a woman, let the words dowry seekers and rapists not describe a man.

No Another Chance.

A string in my heart,
An unseen wound.

The heart wrenching cries,
The unheard sound.

The tremble of my lips,
Dismissed as cold.

The moist eyes,
Misjudged as reaction.

A deep pain somewhere,
A sign of bodily malfunction.

The clumsiness, the tiredness,
Signs of Exhaustion.

The expecting mind,
A Stupid manifestation.

Long hours at Office,
Work related frustration.

The packing of bags,
Another childish exaggeration.

And When I say I am leaving,
A surprised, angry demonstration.

You never read the signs,
Its your ignorance.

Sometimes, Life simply refuses,
To give another chance.

Looking Back and Smiling.. :)

I am not sure how many of us always take the correct decisions in life, and find them fulfilling our desires, atleast to the levels of our expectations. I, for one, have never been that blessed; I end up screwing myself over and over again, more often than not. Maybe that is the reason my life has ended up nowhere near my imagination, but yet so different and crazily unusual than the mundane ones people might be leading – with regrets, fears, and the constant stride to make their life perfect.

No, its not that I haven’t tried to make my life the way it should be – perfect in senses more than one; but let me admit, I have failed miserably in that. I have dumped relationships, screwed my career, been drunk, have had overnight crushes, jumped to conclusions, asked silly questions, shopped heavily on credit cards, been to vocal with my feelings when not required, and have been suspiciously silent when the need was to utter something. Believe me, there have been regrets, tears of pessimism, feeling of loneliness, a sad aura surrounding me for a great share of my life. I have faked relationships, having presented myself in the most pretentious way. I have tried to ignore questions that questioned my decisions. Yes, you name it and I have done it all.

But what did I get of all this? Nothing pretty much in cash and kind, but something that no one can ever take from me, nor pass it onto me. These are some lessons and experiences, some funny moments and great bindings , some nerve wrecking tiredness and disgusting comments, some encouragement and some exasperation's, reactions from people – friends, relatives, acquaintances and even on lookers. It may be sounding incredibly odd, but looking back at each stupid decision’s outcome, I have found myself to be a stronger, independent woman, with baggage; yes; yet having a thrilling time as my movie seems to have surprise for me every second day.

The road I tread is not smooth, but with puddles, muddles, speedbreakers, and lots and lots of pebbles; somehow it has turned to be my choice, and I feel responsible for taking it up from here as my own.

I got to trust myself, look back and smile, for no one knows how and why I did something, that was probably not right in the right sense of the word, but there could have nothing better than that for me.

Ahh,,,I smile again…

Mind- As a Ruler

The mind is a wonderful thing…It perceives and conceives, alleges and defines, accuses and absolves, dreams and builds, creates and destroys, all in all, It does anything and everything, freely, without any inhibitions or fear, and it always reasons its own righteousness over everything, and above everyone else. The mind, while at work, defies all logic. Its only the mind that can break all rules, yet be on the side of the law. It can taste the forbidden, and take savour the betrayals, and indulge itself in all that is sinned. It makes you crave for what is rightfully not yours, and creates a fantasy land wherein you can spoil yourself to the hilt. It is the mind that makes opinions, and justifies them by the most absurd of logics; it is the one that creates notions, and prevents one from differentiating between the right and the wrong. The mind assumes itself as being the supreme power, and the supremacy dissolves into forced acceptance of views. When in control of the mind, the logic takes a backseat, and assumptions lead the way. Everything and everyone else seems immoral, and the definitions change.

All this not a beginning, but an end, an end to modesty and dignity, an end to the right course of thought and inference, and end to sound judgment and good sense, and beginning of impracticality, insanity and unreasonableness.