The Sick Indian Man: Is this title FORCED OR INVITED??

Well, this is a funny incident. Just a few days ago, I had posted an update on my facebook wall regarding dowry. It just cropped up from the frustration that a female friend is currently experiencing. While her parents are on a hunt for a groom, she gets disheartened by the fact that so many educated men just keep a "mum face" when their parents dictate the lists of "required gifts" to her family. It ranges from electronics like TV, Home Theatre, Microwave, Washing Machine to expensive cars and hard cash. Some even go upto the extent of asking a flat. Yes, she herself is earning a good salary, and surviving on her own in a big city. She is pretty, and if you really ask me, humble. So every time she meets someone and she tends to like him, all this simply crashes her heart with a tremendous blow.

So, the other day, one of my male friends reacted to the update quite fiercely. He said that girls look for well settled, 5-figure earning boys from respectable family. So what’s the harm? He also said that desire for a comfortable life is not gender specific. So if the girl desires a comfortable life, the boy does too. This dowry , or gifts by girls family help the couple to establish themselves. Later on he told me that since I have all the bad people in my life, hence I view everyone like that. And yes, my choice of friends is pathetic, and I am responsible for it. Come to think of it, he just got arrange-married a few months ago. It looked like it hit him really hard, and I happened to instigate a sore wound.

I do not say every man is a dowry seeker, rapist, molester or abusive. Yes, there are many many of them who refuse dowry, struggle for a base, and yet give a comfortable life to the family. They beam in the pride of self made men, and we all appreciate that. But what about others? Isn’t the Indian man himself ashamed because of the recent events? I remember reading somewhere an article by a man about his soreness on being with females around. Deep within every man knows that no friend, no sister, no wife is safe, and they are being eyed suspiciously. Is it because of the women? No.

It is because of the men themselves. How many of us are not intimidated when we see we have to share a seat with a man for a long night journey. How many of us do not feel scared to be alone with male colleagues? Does the thought of brushing with a men in a jampacked bus not make us drop it and take another one? Do we not fear the demands when we go to our inlaws houses? Are we not worried about the family’s incessant taunts? Ofcourse we women laugh when we see punches on us as being shopaholics, bad drivers, and we all love all those wife/sister/girlfriend jokes everyone shares. Now does that mean every woman goes weak in the knees when she sees “SALE”? Or every sister is stupid? Or every girl friend is bitchy?
Look around, I am sure you will have many, many exceptions.

All in all, I just want to say that we all know all men are not alike, but come to think of it, the “good men” do not carry a special mark or a tag. If this SICK INDIAN MAN title pinches the men, they ought to do something about it themselves. They cannot keep on arguing with hundreds and thousands of women who believe men, known or unknown are a danger. Men need to understand if shopaholic describes a woman, let the words dowry seekers and rapists not describe a man.